fuckingsnakes | wondering if I really tried everything I could (OPEN)

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hakuouki: kondou isami

wondering if I really tried everything I could (OPEN)

WHO: Kondou Isami, possibly you!
WHAT: A lost Shinsengumi commander in a Resistance Army camp
WHERE: Resistance Army camp
WARNING(S): Probably just bucketloads of angst.

[The first confusing thing that Kondou had noticed was that, well- he had woken up at all. Not to mention that on top of it, he had no idea where he was. Whether those that resided in the camp were friend or foe was something that he needed to find out before going any further. The tent he’d woken up in didn’t seem to be guarded, so he cautiously made his way outside to try and see if he could figure out what was going on.

… Which just meant that there was now a very confused man standing in the middle of camp. At the first sight of someone who he could approach for questions, Kondou made his way over.]

Ahh, I’m sorry to bother you with something so trivial, but…

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[o kondou-san.]

Don't worry about it.

[ he's weeping on the inside. ]

I'll have to work on that.

You're fine the way you are.

D-do you really think so, Toshi?

[ Toshi is noticing me...!! ]

I've always thought so, Kondou-san.

I will have to try harder to make sure you are never disappointed, then.

[That's exactly what he loves to see from Kondou - what he's missed. The optimism that's been dead in the water since Koshu-Katsunuma, the smile, the willingness to keep going and keep trying -

Kondou's happiness is Hijikata's happiness. Despite everything that's happened, despite not knowing how long they'll have in this place and knowing that if things ever go back to normal, he'll be alone again...he can't see Kondou looking so happy without feeling a weight lifted inside of him.]

[ Without Hijikata, Kondou wouldn't have the drive that he needed to keep going. If he's honest about it, his whole world hinges on him in a way that it doesn't when it comes to other people. The Shinsengumi are all important to him, but more important still is the man that helped him to push for all of it, the man who had been by his side for longer than he could remember and helped to prop him up when he felt as though he was failing.

(Though that last part happened far more than he cared to admit, these days.)

Being here with him again made everything worthwhile, and it was something that he was grateful for. Right now, if he had any say in the matter, even if they weren't together here for very long... he was going to make sure that Hijikata wasn't alone ever again. ]

You're looking tired, Toshi. Have you been taking care of yourself?

[Hijikata? Taking care of himself? Perish the thought.]

I'm fine. I know my limits.

[It's only a half-truth. He has gotten a bit better about it here than he was at home; being but one part of a much larger and decently well organized force with no shortage of talented officers means he doesn't have as much riding on his shoulders as he did when he was one of the only experienced leaders the shogunate had left.

But even so, there's still plenty to be done here - for his own men, for making arrangements to get the army ready to deal with rasetsu and oni, or just because he happens to be there and it's faster to take care of it than to look for some other officer to deal with it - he's perhaps slowed down a touch from home, but he's far from slowing down to what anyone would consider a reasonable pace.]

You say that all the time, but I also happen to know that you're a fan of pushing your limits, Toshi.

[ Just what is he going to do with you. Oh, wait, now there's a thought. After he casts Hijikata a dubious look, he tugs off his jacket, and reaches over so that he can drape it over his friend's shoulders instead.

There, see? That's much better. ]

[That was unexpected.

...but not unwelcome. It's not as though he's cold, it's not really serving a clear purpose, but...it's Kondou's. There's something reassuring about it.]

If that's all that it took for you to relax, Toshi, I should have tried it sooner.

[ It's a comfort thing, okay? Since it worked well on Souji, perhaps it would work on Hijikata too. That's totally what it is. ]

[I-IT'S NOT LIKE I LIKE IT OR ANYTHING, BAKA -

- but he can't even tsun properly at Kondou, really.]

[ yeaaah, that's right. You listen to your bff. Just enjoy the moment while it lasts. ]

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