and please, believe me when I say (closed)

[ex_onslaught851]

WHO: Yukimura, Saitou, Zhao Yun
WHAT: Conversations about the aftermath + Nagashino + feelings things
WHERE: Resistance Army Camp
WARNING(S): To be determined?

[So we have a Saitou/Yukimura conversation and a Zhao Yun/Yukimura conversation happening up in here. GOOD? GOOD.]

Comments

[ex_onslaught851]

[An awful lot to think about indeed. Yukimura feels rather guilty about indulging in his need for sleep so easily, but perhaps this time he can excuse himself. Besides which the healers were reluctant to discharge him until they were satisfied that he'd gotten enough rest, and that had taken a while in its own right.

Now that he's back on his feet again, Yukimura is restless. It comes with not knowing what to do next-- or what's going to come next, though for a change this has more to do with the personal matters weighing on his mind than the war itself. For a time he finds himself wandering aimlessly, making small talk with some of the soldiers that he knows, who are glad to see him back on his feet.

A lot of them know about the mind control, of course. But thankfully, no one has thought to say anything directly to him about it, and for that he's grateful.

Perhaps in some ways it's no surprise that he's somehow drawn to Saitou's hiding spot, though once he stumbles upon him, Yukimura doesn't say anything at first. Instead he simply watches him for a few moments, not wanting to disrupt him at a time like this. ... not that he's exactly been quiet on the approach.]

[iaijutsu]

[Saitou gives it a few moments after he hears the footsteps, to see if whoever's approaching says anything, but after a bit of silence, it seems clear enough that the ball is in his court, and he opens his eyes.

And he's - not surprised, exactly, to see that it's Yukimura, rather than some random soldier with some minor issue that needs his attention right now. Not surprised, but he wasn't expecting Yukimura in particular, either. It's a more welcome interruption than most would be.]

You needn't worry that you are interrupting, Yukimura-dono. I'm glad to see you back on your feet.

[ex_onslaught851]

[That earns a small smile from Yukimura- he wonders if he's becoming too predictable, or if it's just a trait of Saitou's to pick up on things that others may not. Either way, he finds that he doesn't mind it- not like he normally would with other people.]

Was it that easy to tell? But... thank you. Are you doing well, Hajime-dono?

[iaijutsu]

It was not difficult to infer, no.

[Though it wasn't so much a matter of Yukimura being predictable as it was a reasonable assumption for anyone with half a sense of courtesy to hesitate in such a situation. And Yukimura being nothing if not polite, the simplest explanation was more than likely the correct one.

He gestures for Yukimura to take a seat next to him - if he wants to, of course.]

I am well, yes.

[Or as well as could be reasonably expected. But to say it is as many words would likely only give Yukimura something to question or a reason to watch for evidence that Saitou was functioning at anything less than one hundred percent, and he's not about to let something slip that easily.]

[ex_onslaught851]

[The offer is taken quite happily, though as Yukimura makes himself comfortable next to Saitou, he can't help but mull over his words. He looks as though he hadn't gotten into a fight at all, which is the strangest thing about all of this. He'd seen what had happened first at Ueda, and now this- perhaps it was time to ask about it.]

Hajime-dono... if you do not mind, there is something that I wished to speak to you about.

[iaijutsu]

What is it?

[Though given that Yukimura looks...a little awkward at best, vaguely troubled at worst...

...well, Saitou's not expecting it to be anything light and inconsequential.]

[ex_onslaught851]

About the oni... you said that "they are strong and fast, and heal from wounds in mere seconds".

[Yukimura pauses for a moment, gathering his courage.]

However, those are traits that I have seen you display in battle, as well.

[iaijutsu]

[He knew it had to happen sooner or later.

It was a difficult enough secret to keep in Kyoto, and given the circumstances, only more difficult to hide as long as he was here. Someone would have to notice sooner or later, and Yukimura did pay closer attention to him than most. And all things considered...Yukimura should know. With as much time as he spent around Saitou, it didn't feel right to keep it under wraps, not when one bad day on Saitou's part could put him in mortal peril.

Saitou had never spilled a Shinsengumi secret to anyone outside the organization before. Then again, there were a lot of things he hadn't done before Orochi's world happened. He could keep the shogunate out of the story easily enough; the existence of rasetsu and ochimizu would be difficult to hide here, but as long as he kept their origins obscured... Maybe Hijikata would understand his reasoning.

And if not...well, the usual punishment for breaking the Code was somewhat beyond him now, but he'd take whatever he had coming to him, regardless.]

Your suspicions are not wholly incorrect. I am not an oni...

[His voice is quiet - quiet, but still even. He's not ashamed of what he did. He'd do it again, if he had to.

And yet there's something very uncomfortable about confessing it for the first time to someone who doesn't know any of the background, any of what led him to that path.]

...but I am no longer human.

[ex_onslaught851]

[For a time, Yukimura isn't sure what to say. Instead he focuses on mulling over those words, thinking of what Saitou has told him. That he's no longer human... The news surprises him, but it doesn't bother him, for reasons that he can't entirely understand. Perhaps it is because Saitou has risked so much for him, because there's too much between them that the thought of judging him for something like that...

The thought doesn't even cross his mind.

Instead, after he's thought about it for a moment, Yukimura reaches over and places a hand on Saitou's shoulder. Maybe he shouldn't, not when others could walk by at any time and see this, but-- he senses that perhaps Saitou might let him, just this once. Considering the circumstances.]

I will not ask you what happened to cause you to take that path, Hajime-dono. But I wish for you to know that the knowledge does not change anything between us. And nor will I tell anyone - that is your decision to make. And you needn't tell me anything more than this.

[Even if he doesn't entirely understand how it might have happened, it doesn't take a genius to realise that the thought of talking about it makes Saitou uncomfortable.]

[iaijutsu]

[It's a surprise - and yet not, really. He wouldn't have expected anyone to take that so easily...but in a land full of sorcery and demons, where so little has made sense, Saitou has to suppose that some things are just easier to take than they might have been, once upon a time.

And it's not like there's any great shock to Yukimura refusing to be judgmental. Isn't that one of the very qualities that so impressed Saitou before?

But even so.]

I do need to tell you more, Yukimura-dono. My presence here poses a risk, and I should have made you aware of that long before now.

[There hadn't seemed much point when they were trapped in Ueda. There was nowhere else he could go, and he'd always figured that if he felt the bloodlust coming on, if he knew it was getting to be too much, he'd just take a jump off the walls and see how much damage he could do when he was beyond saving. He owed Yukimura that much.

They aren't holed up in a castle anymore, though. He's remained at Yukimura's side, even once they reached the main army and could have split up and fought separately at any number of battlefields - he's done that by choice.

And while Saitou has no intention of losing control, if he's choosing to stay by Yukimura, the man has a right to know what he's getting into by accepting Saitou's presence.]

[ex_onslaught851]

If you wish to tell me, Hajime-dono, then I will listen to everything that you have to say. You have my support. That will not change. And if there is something that I can do to ease your burden… I will be more than happy to do it.

[Not that he’s sure yet just what it could be, but he remembers what Zhao Yun had said – that he had believed Saitou to be lost to them, at some point in the battle. Did it have something to do with that? There was no way to know for sure unless he listened, and he wasn’t going to pester Saitou with questions. Whatever he felt as though he wished to share, Yukimura would accept that gratefully. Otherwise, he’d simply be patient.]

[iaijutsu]

[There isn't anything Yukimura can do, but Saitou is grateful for the support, regardless.

...there is one thing Yukimura can do, but it's something Saitou refuses to ask of anyone.]

Thank you.

[And he pauses, trying to decide where to begin. Not with the story as it happened to him; he won't divulge the shogunate's part in the ochimizu experiments, even if asked. So perhaps the best place is simply to start with the definitions and take it from there.]

I doubt I need to explain to you why some humans would desire the kind of power innate to the oni. I do not know the details of the research that was done into the matter, but the end result was a drug. We call it ochimizu. It grants those abilities to humans...but at a steep cost.

[ex_onslaught851]

[No, Saitou didn't need to tell him that much. He knew what the hearts of men were like- though he did wonder why Saitou would wish to take such a thing. However, he wasn't going to ask. All he knew, somehow, was that he wouldn't take it for the wrong reasons.

... but what would the right reasons be?]

And what is this cost?

[iaijutsu]

...the cost is one's sanity.

[It's the most important part, but it's the part he doesn't want to divulge. Yukimura knowing he isn't human is one thing. Yukimura knowing what's really going on in his mind when his eyes turn red in the heat of battle...

...it's not a side of himself he ever wanted the other man to see.]

Those who drink the ochimizu are affected by bloodlust. It isn't simply a desire, it... [Trying to describe this is harder than it should be - though whether the harder part is finding the words or getting them out, he's not sure.] It's a need. Denying oneself is frustrating at the best of times and agonizingly painful at the worst.

Some go mad on the spot. Some...manage to hold themselves in check, for a time.

[ex_onslaught851]

... but Hajime-dono-- that means...!

[For a moment, Yukimura has to fight to hold back the horror that rises up within him at that revelation. It's not that he's judging Saitou for making that choice, for whatever reason he'd made it. It's just that--

The thought that he could lose Saitou to something like that. It didn't sit well with him in the slightest, and yet Yukimura could do absolutely nothing about it. Admitting it wouldn't help either - it likely would only make Saitou feel worse about the situation, and he didn't deserve that.]

Have you been denying yourself? Is... You already said that there is nothing that I can do, but are you certain of that?

[The desperation in his tone might give him away a little, however.]

[iaijutsu]

I have been able to manage thus far, Yukimura-dono.

[What a delightfully vague answer.

But what else is he supposed to say? "I haven't been drinking anyone's blood and it hurt so much I tried to claw my own heart out of my chest" doesn't exactly seem like the way to calm Yukimura down.]

[ex_onslaught851]

Hajime-dono...

[That only serves to make Yukimura worry further.]

Are you sure that there is nothing I can do?

[And yes, he's going to keep asking.]

[iaijutsu]

Yes.

[It's a half-truth. Yukimura could do one thing. Saitou would refuse to accept it even if he did.

There's little point in treading that ground.]

[ex_onslaught851]

... Very well. If that changes, please let me know.

[Though he knows better than that. Saitou will never ask him.]

[iaijutsu]

I will.

[He won't.]

[ex_onslaught851]

[You are a bad liar, Saitou Hajime. Or maybe you and Yukimura are far too similar in some ways.]

Is there anything else I need to know about this?

[iaijutsu]

If others from my time are here, it is possible that the one who created the ochimizu is here as well. We may encounter other rasetsu sooner or later.

[The possibility that Kodo is around and up to some nasty shit is totally more important than "also sunlight makes me tired as shit," right? Right.]

[ex_onslaught851]

Other rasetsu... Very well. Is there anything that we should tell the other men about them, so they are prepared? We do not need to tell them more than is necessary.

[That is to say, that Saitou is also one.]

[iaijutsu]

Obviously, they will need to be killed in one hit. The only surefire ways to do so are by taking off the head, or piercing the heart.

[...piercing the heart.

Ahaha.

Still probably a little awkward to mention.

...and there's more, right. Warning the troops is important enough that he probably should get this out, even if he'd hoped not to bring it up because Yukimura will probably take it as one more thing to worry about -]

They are weaker by daylight.

[ex_onslaught851]

[It takes him a moment to remind himself that he needs to stay professional about all of this. There's no need to freak out about it-- yet. Though of course, once he mentions piercing the heart, Yukimura starts having Ueda flashbacks.

And yes, he's going to worry. But right now he knows that he needs to listen. He can't afford to start freaking out after every bit of information.]

Very well. Are there any warning signs that the men can look out for, so they know that they're dealing with rasetsu?