fuckingsnakes | and please, believe me when I say (closed)

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and please, believe me when I say (closed)

WHO: Yukimura, Saitou, Zhao Yun
WHAT: Conversations about the aftermath + Nagashino + feelings things
WHERE: Resistance Army Camp
WARNING(S): To be determined?

[So we have a Saitou/Yukimura conversation and a Zhao Yun/Yukimura conversation happening up in here. GOOD? GOOD.]

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[Breaking loose wouldn't be a problem for him, under any other circumstances. Despite his size, he has enough strength to get free easily - but it's enough of his effort just to stay mostly upright and keep himself from doubling over.

And he doesn't want to hurt Yukimura in the process, either.]

I told you, it - [Deep breath. Deep breath.] - it isn't...necessary.

Is the alternative better for you, Hajime-dono? To make yourself suffer like this? It will only take a moment to alleviate your pain.

[And Yukimura is willing to help him.]

That's not -

[He leans forward, into Yukimura's shoulder, still shaking. That's not the point, he meant to say. It's not about whether he's suffering, or about how it would be so easy to make it go away. It's about not giving in, it's about not letting it rule him. It's about not taking advantage of someone he cares deeply for to end something he knows he's capable of getting through.

It's about how no matter how justified he thinks his choice was, he's not sure he's ready to feel quite that inhuman.]

I know that it is not an easy decision to make, Hajime-dono... But I cannot bear to see you suffer when I can help. Please.

[He brings a hand up so that he can cradle Saitou against him. Of course it's not as straightforward as drinking blood and making it all go away just like that. Even if he's not sure what other issues there are, he can guess. But it's something that they can work through together, isn't it?]

Whatever decision you make, I am not going to leave your side.

[It could be a while, he would say - if he trusted himself to get the words out, but speaking is difficult and he already knows that saying that much won't matter. Yukimura isn't likely to change his mind because of something that simple.

So he takes another gasping breath and moves his arms around Yukimura's shoulders to hold himself up, his fingers digging in hard enough to leave marks as a low, strangled whimper escapes from the back of his throat.]

[Yukimura doesn't even flinch-- he simply tightens his own hold on Saitou and holds him close, his other hand rubbing gently at his back. It probably isn't any comfort to him right now, but he wants Saitou to know that he's in it for the long haul. He's not just going to leave him here to deal with this on his own, no matter how long it might take.

There's nothing more important that he has to do. Really, he considers staying by Saitou's side no matter what happens to be one of the most important things he can do.]

[It takes a long time.

Saitou's lost track of how long it's been, by the time his breathing finally starts to slow and the shaking subsides. But it does, eventually, and the tension drains from his posture as if a dam has finally been broken.]

[It's been a few hours, or that was Yukimura's last guess. It's starting to get dark now, but he doesn't care about that-- all he cares about is feeling Saitou finally relax in his arms. He gives him a few more moments before saying anything.]

Hajime-dono?

[Saitou's iron grip on Yukimura's shoulders finally relaxes, though he waits a beat longer before he finally lets go entirely and stands up straight again, his expression blank and showing no sign of the ordeal he's just gone through.]

...I am fine.

[Whether it's true or not, Yukimura doesn't push it. Instead he pauses, hesitating a moment before reaching for Saitou's hand again. At least he can make sure that he gets back to the tent okay, and there's no one else around to see them, at least.]

[Saitou doesn't have anything more to say, and he's avoiding looking Yukimura in the eye - but he will accept his hand.

He'd never wanted Yukimura to see him at his worst like this, and while there's no use lamenting it now that it can't be changed...he's not really sure if he wants to know what he thinks of this now.]

[Once they're back in the privacy of their tent, Yukimura still doesn't say anything- he's not sure that he can say anything that will make Saitou feel better, in any case. But he does lean forward and press a kiss to Saitou's forehead, squeezing his hand gently before letting go so that he can get ready for bed.

(And really, Yukimura doubts he wants to be coddled anyway.)

There's something that he wants to say, but it can wait.]

[Yukimura is right that Saitou doesn't want to be coddled - he's never wanted to be coddled. His entire life has been built around the simple goal of being treated with the same respect due to any other man, and that hasn't changed, even if debilitating bloodlust inspires a different sort of treatment than his unorthodox sword style once had.

He remains silent as he gets ready to sleep, but he squeezes Yukimura's hand back before he lets go - a silent "thank you," rather than a verbal one.]

[Just because he's not coddling you doesn't mean you escape cuddles when you're ready for bed, Saitou. Yukimura doesn't take very long to get ready for bed, painfully efficient as he is - but once he is, he waits for Saitou. Thankfully he's too tired to think of what had just happened, but there's more time for analysing all of that in the morning.]

[Saitou is moving perhaps a bit more slowly than usual; he's more tired than he'd like Yukimura to believe. But he keeps himself moving, regardless, and doesn't waste too much time in making his own preparations to go to sleep.]

[Don't think that escapes Yukimura's attention, Saitou! Not that he says anything at all, though he does watch him rather closely to ensure that he's doing all right as he gets ready for bed.

... and okay, maybe he's got other reasons too, but he's not going to admit to any of them.]

[There's little else of note as he finishes and settles down on the futon, save perhaps the fact that his head hits the pillow a little harder than normal.]

[As soon as you're in snuggling range, Saitou, forget about personal space for the rest of the night.]

[This is a problem that he is oddly okay with having.]

[It's just like sleeping with a giant teddy bear!]

... sleep well, Hajime-dono.

...thank you, Yukimura-dono.

[For more than just wishing him a good rest.]

Anytime.

[There's more that he wants to say, but it can wait until later. For now, he's more than happy to fall asleep with Saitou in his arms like this.]

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