and please, believe me when I say (closed)

[ex_onslaught851]

WHO: Yukimura, Saitou, Zhao Yun
WHAT: Conversations about the aftermath + Nagashino + feelings things
WHERE: Resistance Army Camp
WARNING(S): To be determined?

[So we have a Saitou/Yukimura conversation and a Zhao Yun/Yukimura conversation happening up in here. GOOD? GOOD.]

Comments

[ex_onslaught851]

[Don't worry, Yukimura will do his best not to fall asleep like this and keep Saitou's hand there in a death grip this time.]

[iaijutsu]

[He's much obliged.]

[ex_onslaught851]

[Hey, he does it out of love!]

[iaijutsu]

[He just needs to have an escape route if he finds himself longingly gazing at your jugular, Yukimura. It's nothing personal.]

[ex_onslaught851]

[But Yukimura doesn't mind if you stare at his jugular... much...]

[iaijutsu]

[HE SHOULD.]

[ex_onslaught851]

[JUST DON'T KILL HIM AND IT WILL BE OKAY.]

[iaijutsu]

[Yeah, uh. About that.

It usually comes on suddenly, but there comes a point when one can't help but start recognizing the signs, and although Saitou could have almost written off the quickening of his pulse as just another side effect of the way Yukimura was looking at him...

He stands up, gently extracting his hand from Yukimura's.]

...excuse me for a moment, Yukimura-dono.

[ex_onslaught851]

Hajime-dono...?

[Now he's seriously confused. Did he do something wrong? What was going on? It takes him a moment to get his bearings, but once he does, he quickly stands up too.]

What is the matter?

[iaijutsu]

Nothing, I only -

[- am looking kind of pale and starting to sweat and the pain's starting to kick in, NO BIG DEAL, RIGHT.

He grinds his teeth and tries to ignore it. He has to at least stay composed long enough to shoo Yukimura away.]

- I need a moment. Alone.

[ex_onslaught851]

[Except that Yukimura notices those signs, which of course makes him even more worried. Which means that sending him away is going to be rather difficult.]

You look unwell... I am not going to leave you alone in this state!

[iaijutsu]

[Saitou can't see his own eyes, but he's quite sure they just went red, and it's getting more difficult by the second to try and keep his composure.]

You will, or -

[He cuts himself off, trying to suppress a gasp as he claws at his chest.]

[ex_onslaught851]

[Oh... oh. Yukimura can tell then what's happening, and he wonders if he should be terrified, but he's not. In fact he feels calm for the most part, although seeing Saitou in such pain breaks his heart.]

Hajime-dono... You said that there was nothing I could do to help, but that's not true. You need blood, don't you?

[Therefore, he knows what the logical conclusion here is.]

[iaijutsu]

[He knows Yukimura well enough to know exactly what conclusion the other man will come to - and Saitou has no intention of asking that of him.]

It - it will pass.

[It has before, after all. A few hours of agony is survivable - and that's worth it to him, to not have to drink Yukimura's blood.]

[ex_onslaught851]

I can't accept that. Knowing that you're in pain, that you're suffering when you do not have to...

[It wouldn't be a huge sacrifice on his part, he doesn't think.]

Please, Hajime-dono.

[iaijutsu]

No.

[One word is all he dares; it won't help his argument if his voice starts shaking as much as the rest of him.]

[ex_onslaught851]

You leave me no choice, then.

[With that, Yukimura draws his short sword from its sheath. It's a low blow and he knows it, but he can't stand to see Saitou suffer like this either.]

[iaijutsu]

I said no -

[His hand is halfway reaching to Yukimura's arm when he convulses and pulls back again.]

[ex_onslaught851]

[Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't dare to defy Saitou most of the time- but these are hardly normal circumstances. He makes a small cut along his arm, and holds it out to Saitou. Waiting. If his hunch is correct, he won't really be able to resist it.]

[iaijutsu]

[He reaches for Yukimura's arm again, slowly, his hand shaking - but stops when he's just barely touching his wrist, grits his teeth, and pushes Yukimura's arm back instead, then turning away and putting a hand against the fortress wall to steady himself.]

[ex_onslaught851]

[Dammit, Saitou. Yukimura uses that opportunity to pin him up against the wall, trying not to be too rough with him, but--]

Hajime-dono, please. I am not going to back down until you've listened to me.

[iaijutsu]

[Breaking loose wouldn't be a problem for him, under any other circumstances. Despite his size, he has enough strength to get free easily - but it's enough of his effort just to stay mostly upright and keep himself from doubling over.

And he doesn't want to hurt Yukimura in the process, either.]

I told you, it - [Deep breath. Deep breath.] - it isn't...necessary.

[ex_onslaught851]

Is the alternative better for you, Hajime-dono? To make yourself suffer like this? It will only take a moment to alleviate your pain.

[And Yukimura is willing to help him.]

[iaijutsu]

That's not -

[He leans forward, into Yukimura's shoulder, still shaking. That's not the point, he meant to say. It's not about whether he's suffering, or about how it would be so easy to make it go away. It's about not giving in, it's about not letting it rule him. It's about not taking advantage of someone he cares deeply for to end something he knows he's capable of getting through.

It's about how no matter how justified he thinks his choice was, he's not sure he's ready to feel quite that inhuman.]

[ex_onslaught851]

I know that it is not an easy decision to make, Hajime-dono... But I cannot bear to see you suffer when I can help. Please.

[He brings a hand up so that he can cradle Saitou against him. Of course it's not as straightforward as drinking blood and making it all go away just like that. Even if he's not sure what other issues there are, he can guess. But it's something that they can work through together, isn't it?]

Whatever decision you make, I am not going to leave your side.